


Shameful Behavior

by genericfanatic



Category: Temeraire - Naomi Novik
Genre: Demisexual Character, M/M, References to Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-08 02:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26808244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/genericfanatic/pseuds/genericfanatic
Summary: After a comment from Tharkay, Laurence wonders if there is something wrong in their relationship, and is confused as to how he should behave.
Relationships: William Laurence/Tenzing Tharkay
Comments: 10
Kudos: 55





	Shameful Behavior

The fact that Master Tharkay and Admiral Laurence were in a relationship was the worst kept secret in the manor. 

The servants as a whole refused to talk about it, but they all knew, and had all walked in on them or overheard something at least once. Tharkay had hired them specifically for their discretion, and in many cases, their sympathy. Treating his servants with more than respect, but kindness was one of many things that endeared Tharkay to Laurence, even if his kindness was born out of his own interests.

Tharkay brought on people who were more valued on loyalty rather than propriety, and he gained that loyalty by offering loyalty and protection in return. Many of the maids were women who had left terrible husbands behind, many of the men had some light criminal histories, and many people of either gender shared their um. Condition? Laurence still didn’t really know how to talk about it. 

The point was, Laurence didn’t need to be concerned with sitting outside on a hot summer day, enjoying some fresh lemonade, and relaxing in the shade alongside Tharkay on a cool blanket. He didn’t need to be, but that didn’t translate to his actual feelings. 

“If you don’t relax I’m going to lick your face.” Tenzing told him, completely laid out on the blanket, looking up at the tree tops. 

Laurence looked back at him, where he was sitting hunched over and clutching his legs. “Isn’t that a bit childish?” 

Tharkay hummed, “Master of the house, I can be as childish as I want.”

Laurence lay back, still feeling stiff. There were men working on Temeraire’s pavilion today, some from town which he didn’t recognize. 

“Mmm,” Tharkay said, turning over to lean on his elbow and look over Laurence at the Pavilion “Have you seen Mr. Paulson over there?” 

Laurence tensed up again, looking over at the builders. Was someone staring? “Which one?” he asked, eyes darting. 

“The one up on the roof,” Tharkay said, nodding. Laurence’s eyes went up. Temeraire had been helping with the work, and one thing he had done was carrying the workers up without a ladder. The man in question was young, couldn’t have been more than 20. He had taken off his shirt and wrapped it around his blond head to deal with the heat, which was tanning him rather than burning. He was covered in sweat and clearly working hard, which he was no doubt suited to.

“Is he from town?” Laurence asked.

“Mmhmm,” Tharkay said, his eyes glued on Mr. Paulson’s back. “I’m thinking of hiring him on to work in the stables. Garfield was telling me he could use another hand, and he’s good with the horses. Plus, never hurts to have someone so nice to look at.”

Laurence turned his head over to look at Tharkay. His eyes were black and shining. Laurence had only seen him look like that….well. Certainly not in public. “You…? You like him?”

“You don’t?” Tharkay asked, raising an eyebrow, though he didn’t look away. “He’s got arms like a tree trunk and a chest like…” he let his words trail off. He bit his lower lip, and looked ready to start drooling.

Laurence frowned, looking at him. No doubt, the man was strong, but he didn’t think Tharkay would….well, he didn’t really know what exactly Tharkay liked. He only knew of himself and Sara Maden in his history, and it was difficult to guess beyond that. Still, “He’s half your age!” Laurence protested. 

Tharkay hummed again. “Reminds me a bit of what you must have looked like at that age.” Tharkay said, hand running up Laurence’s arm. 

Laurence tensed and pulled away, feeling a cold shudder rushing through him. Tharkay sighed, letting his hand fall. “I did warn you,” he said.

“What?” Laurence turned again to see what he was up to, but no sooner as he had then Tharkay licked a stripe up his cheek. “Wha--TENZING!” he shouted, but Tharkay had gotten up and taken off back toward the house, cackling like a school boy. Laurence sat frozen a moment, wondering if that actually happened. Realizing it had actually happened, he got up and chased after Tharkay. If he could be childish, then Laurence could too.

Laurence played the conversation over in his head for days. He knew of men who pursued women so below their own age, and he supposed that must imply inverts would be the same. Even if he could accept this to be true, he had never imagined such behavior from Tharkay.

Tharkay was the first and only man he’d ever lusted after, but he knew that the reverse wasn’t the case. He wasn’t sure of what the rules were, the protocols...he certainly didn’t know if he was any good at being an invert. He didn’t have much to compare to.

Could Tharkay be unhappy in some part of their relationship? Was this a hint, something about their bedroom antics that he wished for? Or perhaps it was a critique of something more inherent. Laurence was getting older, and was heavily scarred from his many years of life experience. Perhaps that wasn’t appealing anymore. Or, possibly worse, perhaps Tharkay no longer wanted to have to share his companion with a dragon’s affections.

That couldn’t be it, he told himself, but had no greater evidence than his previous belief in Tharkay’s devotion. However, as Tharkay has proven many a time, he was adept at hiding his feelings if he wanted. Laurence had thought their companionship allowed him some special insight, but that might not be the case.

“Laurence?” Temeraire asked, “are you alright?”

Temeraire has been occupied recently with the construction of the pavilion, so he might be forgiven for waiting three days before he inquired on Laurence’s mood. The finishing touches were yet to be completed, but Temeraire could at least sleep inside now, and Laurence had taken his position on his foreleg, delaying his return to the house and Tharkay’s bed.

“I’m not sure,” Laurence answered a long moment. “I don’t—“ he started, but the words escaped him, and so he sighed and slumped, his mind still going in circles.

Temeraire nudged at him. “Have I been ignoring you? I’m so sorry.”

“Oh, no my dear,” Laurence said, immediately stroking his muzzle, “perish the thought. No, it has to do—it’s to do with me and Tharkay.” As the words escaped his mouth, he flinched, as though verbalizing it had made it real. But if he couldn’t be honest with Temeraire, who could he?

Temeraire tensed. “Did he hurt you?”

“No,” Laurence said, though it didn’t seem to have heart behind it. “Well. Maybe. I think it possible that I may have hurt him.”

Temeraire sighed, the wind of it pushing back Laurence’s hair and cooling his warm face. “I’m sure you couldn’t have done anything too bad,” He said, “What happened?”

Laurence turned onto his side, letting Temeraire take up his vision, and in his imagination, taking up his entire world. “He...he expressed a desire for another.”

Temeraire nodded slightly. “.....and?”

Laurence sat up, leaning on his elbow. “And...well I’m concerned he's not happy with me.”

Temeraire huffed. “Well now, that’s just silly. You’re a war hero, even if you’re retired. And I’m sure this other person doesn’t have nearly so many medals or experience, and certainly doesn’t have a dragon, and even then, not a dragon as wonderful.”

Laurence couldn’t help but smile, Temeraire easing the tightness in his mood like he always did. “Your humility, as always my dear, is inspiring.” Temeraire preened, not seeing the irony. “However, there are sometimes other factors men will look for in a companion. Youth, virility...maybe other factors.” He sighed, “Tharkay has never much cared so much about a man’s breeding or honors as his character. Perhaps this other person is of such a character.”

Temeraire grumbled, “No one has as great a character as you,” he said, “Though still, perhaps he’s not looking for another companion, but rather a sex partner.”

Laurence blushed bright red. “Temeraire!” He chastised. 

“Well it’s possible!” he protested. “After all, having sex for egg making and for fun is very different.”

“Temeraire, we’re both male,” Laurence said, “We never are…..making eggs.”

“Still,” Temeraire said, “Wringe and Arkady are mates, but they both sometimes enjoy having other partners.”

Laurence sighed, “It’s...different for humans,” he said, “Usually when humans take on a permanent partner, they refrain from others…” Even as he said it, he knew it wasn't entirely true. There was evidence enough of people who chose bedmates outside of their marriage. He had always seen that as more of a failing of character, but he could not bring himself to think of Tharkay in such a manner.

“Well,” Temeraire said, “If you don’t mind me saying, Laurence, it seems a bit silly. Not that I think you’re silly! It’s only that just having sex and enjoying an experience with someone doesn’t mean that you care about your partner any less. Different dragons always bring different things to the coupling, and they’re all enjoyable in different ways.”

Laurence sighed. “In truth, my dear, this is an area I would say you have more experience than me. While I find the act enjoyable, I’ve never gone for just the experience without having emotions behind it.” He lay his head on Temeraire’s scales. “Though I suppose it might be selfish of me to expect that of Tenzing….” 

He took a shaky breath, and didn’t know why he felt like crying. He hugged around Temeraire’s muzzle and went to bed. 

Even if he trusted Tharkay to pick out other….partners….he still wanted to protect him. He could not allow someone to hurt him in any way, and so decided to approve this new man for himself. 

The next morning as the men began working and Tharkay was distracted with his own work, Laurence made his way down to the Pavilion. “Mr. Paulson,” Laurence said. The man in question looked up. “May I have a moment of your time?” 

Mr. Paulson looked to the director of the project, who ushered him along. Mr. Paulson jogged over, and Laurence felt a strange bit of panic at facing a man half his age. He swallowed, remembering how Tharkay had talked about him. “What’s your name, sir?”

“Oh,” Paulson responded, “Sam, sir. What can I do for you?”

Laurence held his hands behind his back, digging his nails into his palm. “I wanted to ask you a bit about your history, if you please,” he said, suddenly not sure what he would really say, “You’ve been in town your whole life?”

“Oh aye,” Paulson answered, nodding, but clearly confused, “Born and raised. My da’s a builder too.”

Laurence nodded in response, taking this in. Tharkay was an adventurous man who’d been all over the world, he’d hate for him to be bored. “Do you wish to travel?”

“I suppose,” he said, “Would be amazing to see those islands in the Caribbean, my friend’s uncle used to tell us kids all stories about it. Waters blue as sapphires.”

Laurence hummed. “And your working life, what do you think your employers would say? You're a hard worker?”

“Aye sir,” he nodded eagerly, “Never left a job half finished, never put in less than what I have to give.” He swallowed, looking awkward, “Have you got a job you’d like me to do, sir?”

Laurence clenched his teeth, “And, what of your personal life?” he said, “Do you have any women you are promised to or...or anyone?”

Paulson frowned at him, now very confused. “Sir?”

“What do you think of Mr. Tharkay?” Laurence switched instead, feeling anxious. 

“Um,” Paulson was looking almost as nervous as him now, “I um, he’s fine I--”

“Will,” they both turned to see Tharkay coming across the lawn, “Is everything alright?”

Paulson, looking between the two said, “Uh, ‘scuse me sirs, I need to get back to work,” and scurried off before Tharkay reached them. 

Tharkay frowned at his retreating back, then over to Laurence, “Will, I think we ought to retreat back inside.” He took his arm, offering no chance to protest, not that Laurence had any. 

He lead Laurence to his study, but sat in one of the more comfortable chairs. “So, are you finally going to tell me what’s going on?”

Laurence tilted his head, “What do you mean?”

“You’ve been off for four days now,” Tharkay said, “I thought I’d give you time, but here I find you interrogating one of the workmen.” He motioned for Laurence to sit opposite him. “So, out with it.”

Laurence swallowed, uneasy. “I had been thinking of what you had said on the lawn the other day,” he said, “about Paulson.”

“What about him?” he asked, “You think he’s not a good hire for the stables?” 

“No, no,” Laurence said, “The other thing.” Tharkay still looked at him blankly, “About how you...desired him.”

Tharkay’s eyebrows shot up into his hairline, “William,” he said, “Did you think I planned to cheat on you?”

“I know you to be more honorable than to go behind my back,” Laurence said, “But...with my permission….I suppose I might be able to share, if that were something you truly wanted.” His heart fell into his stomach even as he spoke, “I only hope that if I have given you any reason to be dissatisfied with me, that you will let me know. You need not spare my feelings on the matter, I would rather the truth.”

“Will,” Tharkay shook his head, rubbing his face, “Will, I was just looking.” Laurence frowned. “I was--yes, I find him attractive, but I don’t want to sleep with him! For one, it would be wholly inappropriate for any number of reasons, for another, I have you!” 

Laurence shook his head slightly, “I don’t understand,” he said, “If you were not dissatisfied, why were you looking?”

“I--” Tharkay said, seemingly flabbergasted. Laurence had maybe seen him so surprised twice, and even then, maybe not to this degree. “I don’t...haven’t you ever just enjoyed seeing someone who you thought attractive?” Laurence shook his head. “Oh.”

“Is that…” Laurence started, “Is that odd?”

“Well,” Tharkay started, looking off into middle distance as he mulled things over in his mind, “To be completely honest, most likely yes. From what I understand of people, most of them are not like that.” Laurence felt something crumble deep inside him, the introspection he had been having that there was something wrong with him, that Tharkay saw he was flawed, was now confirmed, “But! That does not mean unheard of.”

Laurence swallowed back something that felt like tears. A childish feeling for a man in his 40’s, to be trying to understand himself like a boy going into adulthood. Though he pushed them back, Tharkay still seemed to notice with his superior observation skills. 

Instantly, Tharkay was sitting in front of him on the floor, reaching up to hold his hand, “Will,” he said, grounding him, “William. You asked me for the truth, so I shall give it to you,” he sighed, “The reason I made such remarks about Paulson was less to do with my attraction to him, and more an attempt to help you be comfortable with your own attraction.” Laurence tilted his head, confused. “I know before me you only showed attraction for women. I had thought perhaps you had in some ways repressed your more….inverted tendencies. I wanted to share this with you, and wanted to help you feel….well to be honest, Will, I was worried you might hate yourself for your attraction to me.” 

Laurence held Tharkay’s hand back, “No, Tharkay, I promise, I don’t. It’s only...well, you are truly the only man I have ever loved. Though, for women, I have only ever loved Edith and Jane.” He sighed and thought, “I thought it….normal, to only feel attraction to someone you loved.”

Tharkay smiled up at him, “‘Normal’ is a relative term. Though even if you are not the average, you must know that does not translate into an affliction.” He played with Laurence’s hands, rubbing his thumbs over the skin. “I knew a woman, once, who wanted nothing to do with marriage or men. Many in town thought her bitter, I thought she would prefer a lady’s company, but she swore she preferred her bed to herself, and her mind occupied with other things. I think...from what you’ve told me, you may be under a similar disposition.” 

Laurence nodded, thinking on it. “I do LIKE sex,” he said, “I like it with you.” 

Tharkay stood and sat in Laurence’s lap. “I like it too,” he gave Laurence a generous kiss, “and even if I occasionally like looking, I don’t want anyone else other than you.”

Laurence breathed a sigh of relief he wasn’t expecting. “Good,” he said, “I didn’t really want to share you…”

Tharkay chuckled at him, “oh, you self-sacrificing bastard. Even if I had wanted such a thing, you’re allowed to tell me no. The pain it would cause you outweighs any pleasure I might’ve had.” He held Laurence’s face. 

Laurence wrapped his arms around him. “I’m not ashamed of my attraction to you,” he said, “but this is all very new to me. And I don’t want the wrong person to catch us.”

“William Laurence,” Tharkay said, “you survived treason. I rather think we shall manage charges of sodomy.”

Laurence blushes again. “I suppose Temeraire will always care for us.”

“And we will care for each other,” Tharkay said, tucking a stray hair behind Laurence’s ear. “Now. I need to mitigate any damage you may have incidentally caused by harrassing poor Mr. Paulson.” Laurence blushed again. “You may make this crime up to me by heading upstairs and grabbing the silk rope and using it as creatively as you can.”

Laurence groaned, covering his face in frustration. “You see, any shame I have is to make up for the fact you’re so unabashedly shameless.”

Tharkay stood up, chuckling. He pulled Laurence’s hands away long enough to give him a long, suggestive kiss. “I’ll see you upstairs.” And then he was off.

**Author's Note:**

> Let me know what you think!


End file.
